Surrounded with love...but still feeling alone

I think that "the mourning process" has started with Hailu. We were told that every child goes through this at some point.....At some point they mourn the loss of their country, their friends, family, culture etc... He is so happy most of the time, but certain comments, or questions he has brought up lately have cut so deep into my heart. It isn't necessarily what he says or asks, it is the feelings that I know he must have behind those comments or questions. He asked if we could go back to Ethiopia one day and then come back to America again. He said "I miss it"...... I sometimes feel so sad that he had to leave Ethiopia and start all over. Overall, it sounds like he really enjoyed his life. He has told us so many stories about the fun he had with friends and all the people that he loved and that loved him. He speaks so fondly of the simple things he had in his life.....he treasures his memories. I honestly think that the only thing that was "missing" was a Mom and Dad. Sure, he didn't own a toothbrush, he tells us that he never took a shower or bath before the orphanage....(he just went swimming)...his clothes were tattered and dirty....but he was happy, or at least this is what he tells us. I have to remind myself that God has absolutely, without a doubt, had his hand in this adoption and that He has had Hailu's life and ours all planned out from the very beginning. What we see and understand could be very different than what God has in mind. For this reason, I just have to continually commit this all to Him and trust him to help us be the Mom and Dad that he has called us to be to this little boy. What he once thought of as "family" has changed....he has no memories of his birth father or mother.....and after his sister and brother died, he clung to his friends and they became his "family". He misses them....he told me tonight.

Hailu is so silly and loves to laugh... he has such a zest for life and adventure.......he loves any opportunity he gets to serve one of us in any way he can. There is never a time yet that he hasn't thanked me so sweetly for a meal or a snack...and he makes sure to tell me how good it was too. He loves all the one on one attention that he is receiving. He always has compassion and concern when he sees that one of us may be upset. He is so brave and strong....he has been through so much in his life and still continues to display all these positive traits. I know that he feels a sense of belonging here and I know that this is the Lord's doing.

There is that small part of him that feels so alone though.....I see it when he is frustrated that our school days are not like the school days he had in Ethiopia. I see it when we are with other friends or family that we have a strong bond with, that he has not developed that bond with yet. I see it when he stares fondly at the belongings and photos of his past. There are many more times that I know that he feels alone.....even surrounded with love, there is a piece of him that is seems to feel empty.

I want to make this feeling go away for him....as his mother, I am hurting right along with him. I don't know how to make things "all better".....only God can do this, and He will. I just continue to pray and hope that Hailu will do the same. I had a conversation with him today as he sat in my lap with tears in his eyes.....I tried to tell him that I understood his frustrations and that when he feels this way, that he can go to the Lord and ask him for comfort that only He is able to give. I think he understood....

What a huge gift but also a huge responsibility it is to raise children! I have said this before, but I will say it again.....Isaac and Hailu are not mine, they are both God's children....they each came into our lives a different way.....but the gift and the task are the same....to raise these boys to be Godly men who are dedicated to serving and pleasing Him in all they do....to teach them the love of Christ through our example. To care for, nurture and love them unconditionally. I pray each day that I won't let Him down.....Please help me Lord to be the mother to these boys that you would have me to be.